she did the YMCA with her lgs... i think she forgot she wasnt wearing any underwear
Cant decide who was more of a mess the morning after... me when i passed out in the bathroom stall or you when you sprayed yourself down with hairspray thinking it was sunblock
it's a little hard to watch the basketball games with my family considering they keep cheering for the guy that i had a one night stand with...
He always grinds on me and is like "This is awesome because we're both Catholic!"
Next thing I know we're all standing in the kitchen holding hands and thanking God for the beer.
While you were puking in the ocean I was rubbing your back saying "Just give it back to Mother Earth".
so im sitting outside the gym eating a 20 piece nugget stoned out of my mind, convincing myself this is more productive because im so close to the treadmills.
new plan: i think the keg will fit in my purse.
I feel like I just need to fuck him after all his effort. like a "hey man good try" like those kids who get last place and still get a trophy.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
Your face; I've seen enough of it for today. Go away now please.
I'm like a hairless cat ready to be ravished
So I think my neighbor's name is Olli if I'm hearing the girl the girl he's fucking clearly
Randomize
