So how was he last night?
Five-minute foot-long.
Ah, the precious few moments between when i wake up and when i realize why i'm sleeping on a treadmill.
I just found out my favorite drunk show, Repo Men, is just reenactments. I can't express through words my disappointment.
We played "race the Jimmy John's driver". Order, then see if we can finish sex before the food arrives.
Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
Lights are FLASHING. This just got REAL. CAPTALIZATION.
He just asked me if he's allowed to flirt with me. That's how whipped he is.
Remember that time you puked in a beer pong cup while someone else was playing?
that happened
I am having the most awesome nonsexual conversation about my vagina right now
The only thing I like when I am high is sex. And Cheez Its. But mostly sex.
I think he knows I took a picture of him. Why I don't get punched in the face more often is anyone's guess.
I'm really proud of my unchallenged ability to convert boob guys into ass men
Homeboy just asked me to strip for him. He should not be this horny and allowed to be in Vegas with his kid.
Just trying to show you I care.
Isn't it supposed to be "what would you like for dinner?" instead of "how do you take your blow?"
Hey, you're the one who asked me to mc to move in.
I just woke up naked in a bed with your brother. WHAT THE HELL HAPPENED TO NOT LETTING EACH OTHER DO STUPID THINGS?
You fucked my brother?!
Randomize
