Omg just saw this kid I went to elementary school with at the bar and he used to be cool and I was so awkward but now I have boobs so I WIN.
coke and sex party at dan's
im watching greys anatomy with megan...
wha-pishhh
there needs to be a "man fax report". like car fax. type in the guys name and bday and up pops all the bad shit he's ever done.
I woke with a ring of glitter around my dick.... I kinda don't want to wash it off
God, you're like boner-b-gone
The Ex's are trying to talk to the GF. Game face bro.
I told him that he was essentially a very life-like dildo with a person attached so he needed to stop having feelings because it was getting annoying. He agreed.
I stared at his lazy eye for so long, he thought I had one too. Then we bonded over our lazy eyes. I had to fake one all night. My head is fucking killing me. NEVER pretend to have a lazy eye.
I swear some just paged for more cock rings over the intercom.
They said I was more of a mess than the German. I have achieved the unachievable, you may bow down to me
who's idea was it to start the NCAA tournament less than a week after St. Patrick's day? My liver needs time to recover for things like this.
New game I thought of while bored on the train. Anytime I get a text from an ex, I will randomly text a different ex. It's like a less charitable version of pay it forward.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
my god I love twenty year old dicks
Totally just got spotted hitting the bowl by someone else hitting a bowl. We gave each other a head nod
Randomize
