porn star on stage now. Get unkicked out.
Sex on bubble wrap = best decision ever.
I think you came in my ear last night and I had to pick it out infront of my kids in class today
pray for me tomorrow cause I have a midterm that I've mostly studied for by watching Bill Nye episodes on the subject...
I'm watching Intervention to get pumped up for tonight
so he reminded me it was our 9 month anniversary and then said "we could've had a baby by now"
I need someone to get my backpack from the bar before class tomorrow. I have to give my students their papers back.
She dumped a fish bowl of alcohol on herself. Just like flash dance.
I'm at the bar alone. Is this how you feel?
Yeah. I was about to call 911 but I ended up breaking the door frame off then ran and puked all the way home.
You better buy her a motherfucking bunnyrabit to make up for this. And me footsie pajamas for being a cockblock.
I don't care what you say, the fact that he's a drag queen with the same shoe size as me is reason enough to date him
The fact that me being able to walk down stairs is an accomplishment in my books pretty much explains how I am
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
Honey...this isn't my 20's. This is my 30's. I paid for this house and these expensive ass sheets to fuck in them. Get your ass over here.
Randomize
