Hoooooo maaaaan
Yes?
I'm retarded. Again.
Yeah, getting the HI-fiVe would really put a damper on my whoring around.
Apparently I masturbate in my sleep now.
im gonna put my furry chinchilla vagina on her mother effing nose
Dude i just want you to know that when i found you half your mustache was already gone. I didn't do it.
it's sunday funday. and also, who can outslut the other day.
Please don't tell me I was shouting "I'm bleeding from my vagina" in front of my ex-boyfriend and his new girlfriend.
I'm kinda amazed by how many times I've texted the word penis today.
I got really high and googled the history of Amish people for like an hour.
Dude my pants were only on for 20 minutes after she got there.
That's 30 minutes too many.
The man was doing everything in his power to get away from his wife, including go into the gay club.
So from zero to dumpster fire, how shitty do you feel this morning? I'm hovering somewhere around trainwreck.
Look, I've got a really big car. We just need to put ourselves in it and put some body parts in other body parts.
I'm sorry I keep drunk texting your boyfriend sports updates.
That's okay. He needs friends too.
welp, we watched the human centipede high last night and my mind literally shut down, when i came to all i could hear was mel saying EAT EAT HIS SHIT
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