guy picked up a cops taser, thing shot him in the neck, he went down and pissed himself, cop started laughing and hasnt called an ambulance.
I woke up this morning naked, with a to-go box from Qdoba, an entire meal completely untouched. I have been piecing together my night to find some answers. I feel like Nancy Drew.
I think any school that has COCKS written on it's baseball hats has their priorities straight.
Her boobs are too amazing to be looking at my dick. I'm even ashamed.
I was wondering if I fell or perhaps got hit by a truck, then I remembered, it's cause I did a splits contest at the bar
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
Oh god he's like Julia Roberts in pretty woman... And I'm the one who's gotta make a lady out of him.
Was having a panic attack, but I'm out of xanax. Substituting with vodka shots and breathing exercises. My therapist will be proud, yes?
I LEAVE YOU TWO ALONE FOR 45 MINUTES AND ALL MY WHIPPED CREAM AND CONDOMS ARE GONE
Did you send me a snapchat of your sister triple kissing two other girls?!!! You might be the greatest friend the world ever made
Future roommate keeps sending me pictures of cool shit she has for our dorm and I'm just like "... I have a set of Aggie wine glasses a great set of tits."
She found the planted magnum condom..once she figured it out it was too late.
I woke up in a bunk bed beside two Brazilians dude you have no idea how happy I was
You can't be mad... I'm letting you jerk off in my parents shower
She's better-looking with the mask on.
Randomize
