mark tries to be a total badass to make up for the fact that he's a poor man's pete wentz
there should be a relationship option on facebook "stillllll in a relationship"
Dont you think its a little early in the relationship for sexting?
we gave some random guy a shot for shoveling our sidewalk.
my mom found all the used condoms in my bed side table
whatd she say to you?
no words- put them all in a circle, put the bible in the middle
There's a level of bonding between people at the liquor store at 10:30 in the morning that's unrivaled
You dislocated his arm and then bought him two shots to numb the pain while you pushed it back in
The ice cream man just told me to use protection.
I got blood in my smoothie but it still tastes ok. Fuck glenfiddich.
WHAT KIND OF SELF RESPECTING 28 YEAR OLD WOMAN WAKES UP IN A FRAT HOUSE?!?'
The cougar kind?
This German chick looked me up and down for a while. Then she grabbed my crotch, let go after a few seconds, and said "you vill do". I think I'm gonna like tonight.
I can't believe my vagina just got wished happy new year
I'll seduce him with my charm, after all, I am a graceful swan.
More like a demented cow.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
