oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
AHHHH!!! note to self never google image chastity belt omfg
i just saw a girl w/ a shirt that said "im the single friend." yeah i bet u r. stop wearing shirts like that and that could change.
I just jerked it so loud the neighbor banged on their floor. maybe my wife got the point
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
You couldn't find any paper towel to clean up the wine you spilled, so you tried to use her cat.
ooh i remember now. Not very absorbent.
You and Eric are like slutty bowling balls, and that poor family are the pins. They won't know what hit em.
strike, motherfucker.
Today marks the 365th consecutive day of jerkin it. I couldn't have done it without you guys. #onlynewyearsresolutionaccomplished
HES DOING PULLUPS BE STILL MY BEATING HEART
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
It seems that Coffee is the true alpha male.
rowboat hit a rock. taking on water. going down fast. bring cheerios.
aye aye capn
You’d probably be happy to know that I think I’ve mastered the skill of knowing “my type” and then steering clear
FINALLY. I THOUGHT THIS DAY WOULD NEVER COME!
That's nice of you to be concerned, but I'm pretty confident I'll marry someone 30 years older than me, ride out being the trophy wife for 10 or 15 years, then live large!
im mourning your vaginas lack of frictional upkeep
Randomize
