I feel like she's the kind of girl who always ends up with guys who have oddly shaped dicks..
I'm 2 blowjobs away from girlfriend status....don't tell me I don't know how to have an adult relationship
Its official. 'Jingle Bell Rock' gives me a boner. Thank you Lindsay Lohan & Rachel McAdams.
You kept saying,"there's a seahorse in my stomach, who's trying escape". This was after the curtains attacked you.
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Literally best acid trip ever. Better than sex. At one point she looked over at me, started crying, holds up her hands and said "dinosaur tears of sadness". Craziest roommate ever.
Beer pong consisted of me throwing a ball at the wall and then falling over because moving my arm made me dizzy. I think our team lost.
Need. Hospital. Physically am floating.
i just keep picturing us drunk surrounded by kittens.
I'll explain later but basically I was feeling dangerous, I'm dressed as Ann Romney and Ann Romney is a bad bitch.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just fell out of my doorway to go to class so if that doesn't describe how my night went idk what will
My neighbor is burning all of her ex's things in a metal drum outside the window. Guess who's going to make a new friend?
For a guy who came before his dick was out of his pants, he gave surprisingly good head.
who knew rolling through the dorm on a scooter in footie pajamas would attract so many guys. he said i'm his soulmate.
Guess it's not a good idea to try lighting a cigarette with my stove drunk, I burnt off half my bangs.
Sorry. Im too sleepy to penis.
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