Me= Watching Ferngully. My neighbor= Having really loud sex including multiple orgasms
Oh God
I know, but the worst part is I'm not really sure which I'd rather be doing. Feel free to re-evaluate our friendship
sexting on a treadmill. speed 9.0 beat that slut!
I am so hungover and cant move but craving a Wendys frosty so bad. I might have to watch 2 girls 1 cup just to settle the urge
There will be two dogs there to provide supervision. Not to worry.
He said he was trying to live vicariously through me. I didn't have the heart to tell him that meant he was vicariously fucking his best friend.
I wrote my name on his balls in sharpie. In the homosexual world that's like a diamond ring. Shits permanent.
At some point you realize they're vacuuming and you still have to sober up. Please find me a boyfriend thanks .
You made her yell her own name while you were fucking so that you would remember it in the morning.
Some guy just ordered at Cosmo and 2 screwdrivers in the sky club at 8:30 am. I'm starting to feel a lot better about my alcoholism
He's a cop. Do you know how many times I've said fuck the police? This is my chance. I'm taking it.
Your boyfriend being in jail is really helping my social life! #GotASingleDrinkingBuddyAgain
i made out with his shirt. MDMA, man.
He was publicly touching my boobs before I even knew he's a famous World Cup skier.... That's how hot he was
My psychiatrist just sent me a dick pic
No, I told him I was busy again this weekend. Eventually he’ll learn. Plus, absence makes the cock grow harder
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