You dirty dirty liar I like the way you twitter
Making my coffee at work this morning let out a jack daniels fark. Turn around and see the quiet guy making his breakfast
Well yesterday i made out with the entire football team and rifht at this very moment our waiter looks like a ken doll. Straight up. And he gave me wine so ill probly make out with him
college has opened so many doors for you
yeah he didnt know till after their one year. You have no idea how bad i wanna say "dude i sucked on those boobs before you"
stalking is really helping my grade.. I followed him to a review session tonight
win or lose for butler, i'm still masturbating to brad stevens tonight
Guess which frat house I just walked out of! And on a related note... guess who's uncircumsized
Btw before you ask, the dr said there's no way shoving his dick that far down my throat is why i got laryngitis
Then he kept saying sentences and ending them all with "the point of no return" even if it didn't make sense, and kept telling this other guy he wouldn't be his "wife son"
Can't decide if I want to watch full house or the fleet wood Mac concert during the presidential debate.
Haha I haven't even had my interview yet and I'm already trying to fuck my way to the top. 'Merica.
I've started day drinking because fuck everyone else
10/10 dentists agree that he is one bangable mother fucker. hint: i am all of these dentists.
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
i just called dibs on the taxi driver at the bar that isnt drinking. im a grown up
Randomize
