A girl just told me I should smile because I was surrounded by hot girls. I told her that clearly beauty was in the eye of the beholder. And she slapped me!
I seem to have left my pride at pride
Pete just told the whole party I'm a squirter
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
that bitch in the red sedan is still teasing me with the ice cream cone. i'm going to show her my dick
I'd like to bring you 40 virgins and treasure chests of gold to make you feel better
Remember that time a drunk Dracula took a shit in the urinal? Ooh, that's right, it was last night.
Had an orgasm and got a charley horse at the same time. It was a multi-purpose scream.
Come over so I can fuck you louder than her country music
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I literally just woke up in a dog bed, in a bathtub in someone else's house...and I'm not wearing pants
That reminds me of the morning I woke up on the sidewalk covered in chicken wings
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Am I the only one who finds it completely appropriate to pre-game our Brazilians?
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
I told him I thought I was pregnant and he told me he accidentally killed my bird.
Circle of life.
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