I told the girl who was peeing in the garbage can she must have had a lot of upper body strength.
Let's just say a refrigerator got involved and after that I had to send him home.
2 more and I will have fucked 75 percent of my acting class. best. elective. ever.
It's like the god of all feather dusters, but for your vagina
It really is the softest mustache
Cracked my iPhone screen. Real bad. Girl from last night isn't ugly yet. Stop me if you still think she belongs under a bridge. You have 12 seconds.
Whore. There is deli meat in my wallet.
You bought champagne and told everyone it was because I'd just found out I was pregnant. How exactly is that being a good wingman?
I was looking threw the photos on my phone. There is 8 different ones of us peeing on things.
What would you do if your asshole suddenly made the sound of a sheep duck baa/quacking the words kill me
You are so incredibly one of a kind, it's astounding
He wants to make me arch my back "like I'm having an exorcism". Not sure if I'm turned on or freaked out.
Girl you know I'm an advocate of debauchery but you might wanna check yoself.
I shit like a lady though so that rarely happens
I am eating croutons on my bathroom floor. Are you happy?!
So apparently I’m into choking now
I just remembered how you stole the slinky from me. Bitch, I will NEVER forgive you.
Randomize
