Homeslice needs to figure out he's so 2006
he called me "his little blueberry cunt muffin"...how would that make you feel?
Everyone just saw your hickey on TV and on the jumbotron at the hockey game.
Thanks dad.
Wearing a Sarah Lawrence sweatshirt is like wearing a shirt that says, "I'm getting a degree in substitute teaching."
so i was eating a special k bar this morning for breakfast and started choking on it so i reached into my bag for water turns out it was liquor.
i just packed a bowl on a big bird place mat and smoked it in a spaceship with a slide. i love babysitting.
I face planted right in front of a cop. He looked at me, shook his head, mumbled "freshman" under his breath, helped me up and told us to get home safely. I love college.
I'm hungover and surrounded by children and Republicans. What did I do to deserve this?
Just sucked some sandy dick on a boardwalk & now I'm at a family reunion hbu
I can't thank you enough for the well-timed blowjob. What a huge improvement in my outlook on the day.
The hospital waiting room is starting to become a very familiar place to me.
He made me tacos after the sex. Best date ever!
Go have a frustration cry and get over it
Yeah I knew you'd like him. He's emotionally and physically self destructive.
We would have so much to talk about!
I just puked on the sidewalk. At 11am. Thought you'd like to know.
Just found out I lit my hair on fire last night.
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