i just had sex bonerless
Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
ha so i just found a picture of you eating paper towels and many of Laura freaking out from it.
He asked me to touch his mustache. Should I go home with him?
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
So this guy is eyeing me from across the bar. Either the girl I hit on next to him is his girlfriend or he's her gay best friend. I should show him my Penis and find out.
Dude. Do it.
Definitely her date. But she saw it too. So now he used to be her date. Why can't this stuff Happen when I'm sober?
It's like god touched my soul and said 'you will be great in bed'
He's carved the words "SLAM STATION" into his headboard...
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
wait did i hook up with someone in mcdonalds last night?
He also complimented my butt. High praise coming from a boob guy.
I'm glad there seems to be a general consensus regarding your ass
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
I took a picture of you last night while you were drunk, trying to smoke a bowl through your nose. It's now your contact id.
I just discovered my new vice. Cotton candy vodka. Its like a carnival in my mouth, puking of the tilt-a-whirl included.
Randomize
