Don't pass out before midnight like you did last year. See how much your year sucked
He said I was the smartest girl he had ever dated, that should have been a sign from the beginning
the lighter is IN the bong. I don't know what to do
please dont let the old guy in the wheelchair see you when you wake up
At the end of the white elephant exchange, our professor had a big black dildo around her neck and I won a full body dinosaur suit. I could die tomorrow with no regrets.
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
he got everyone in a room, turned off the lights and started throwing knives at the wall. if you got hit, you had to drink...
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
The problem with that is that my car has been stolen
People dont know what to do when a naked fat guy is running towards them. they panic
As the cops are taking us away I see the strippers taking our DD backstage.
Hahaha she was way into you and you kept arguing about burritos. It was amazing.
I'm sorry for drunkenly throwing a spoon at you and then laughing at your pain.
You spent the whole night conversing with your zombie poster, so I'd say you were pretty far gone.
Randomize
