WTF I just almost got ran over by a fucking cop!!!!!!
LOL you shoulda thrown yourself in front for money. Fucking cops!
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
Bath mats should not be used at mops. they don't work. consider this a drunk psa
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
And im sorry for wishing your girlfriend gets genital warts.
I just compared drinking to love. How do these people not know I'm an alcoholic?
No, this is a senior booty call. It cannot be ignored.
At least you got some premium homework time. Still drinking vodka from a coffee cup?
I switched to water. When the numbers get blurry you are no longer being productive.
After your flask fell out of your leg brace and you told your RA that it was juice, you tried to unlock your dorm room but your key was attached to your bra so he ended up seeing your boobs
I'm going to make out with someone. I'm on a mission. I don't even care if I'm wearing beer goggles. As long as he's not shorter than me, gay, or a woman.
I'm going to take a nap so I don't feel like a stripper sneezed in my mouth tomorrow morning at work.
He started tongueing his parfait and told "thats what I'd to your ass" in the middle of Starbucks. Of course i brought him home
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
Our office went out together for the first time to celebrate the fact our coworker got fired.
You faceplanted on the railroad tracks and when I tried to tell you to get up, you told me you were "taking a quick breather"
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