BLOW JOB GIRL IS IN WALMART
Some people actually refer to her as Kaitlyn you know.
Remind me to tell you the Scottish bar story tomorrow
Remind me to tell you it was a shitty story when you're done telling it tomorrow
watching espn. realized that the exact place those sportcenter guys are is where I got laid on the beach last superbowl. my sex spot is broadcasted nationwide
I just need you there to slap my dick when im flirting with her
Having a pigeon watch you poop is just creepy. Drunk or not.
We are having a competition to see who can masterbate in the wierdest place, right now hes winning since he masterbated on his Jr. High school bus.
The girl I hooked up with in exchange for Ramen freshmen year is living with the girl I currently wish to bang.
Try oodles of noodles this time.
He's cute when he's drunk, too. Also he tried to fight my door...
When you get to his house tomorrow, follow your instincts. Find the cat first.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I was just asked by a police officer to not come back to Lancaster...
WE'RE NOT MAKING A DICK PIZZA OKAY
Dude. why do I feel like I am cheating on you every time I do shrooms?
Dude. That's like masturbating until the point that you're going to climax, then stopping, waiting for a few seconds and then starting all over. While that does lead to an altogether more powerful orgasm, it's still annoying as hell until you get there.
I was not expecting that analogy.
No one ever expects that analogy.
Randomize
