My Dad named our wireless network after my dead grandma. I refuse to look up porn on my dead grandma...
fyi, if youre wondering if offering a female police officer sexual favors will get you out of a ticket, the answer is no.
She's dressed as Musafa. How could this not be a good idea?
Ive been home for 20 minutes and I'm already in bed with a vodka tonic
I woke up next to her will a oven mit taped to my cock. Dear god, I might have tried to use it as a condom.
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
Seriously. There are at least 10 other people drinking at the bar with me at 10:40. Im justifying it with the fact that I've been up since 5am.
after she pushed someone down the stairs to get more vodka we lost her for a while and found her on the pole in the garage pouring water on herself
What's a quick way to get over an ex-boyfriend? To hear about how he threw up in a cup and then drank it. That's how.
You were supposed to behave this weekend.
But... naked.
There's a man with a stuffed dog and a can of dog food on the L. Should I break it to him?
Best not to. Some people need their delusions.
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Oh, and Harry Potter. We could be fuck-and-Harry-Potter buddies.
You can now call me Rabbi, and I can now perform weddings, funerals, and other services in all fifty states. You're welcome, world.
grapes are the best munchies food ever cuz like the juice explodes in my mouth and my mouth gets all relieved of dryness. and the skin of the grape is like the food. and theres so many grapes!
Randomize
