Houston, we have a problem
where are u?
Houston. That's the problem. I don't know how I got here.
But besides the pee thing, he sounds like a nice guy.
the girl in my class has a rolling backpack and just told it to stay. im too hungover for this.
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
She's all pretty and bubbly and nice and I'm sitting here stoned looking like Lucifer.
Know what's awesome? Flying a mini helicopter while you shit.
It's a piss down the stairs of the hotel kind of night
Can you pick me up a bottle of make-an-ass-of-myself tonight?
Do you want cuervo gold or silver?
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
don't judge my taste in strippers
I feel as though I look like a mom with a substance abuse problem
You know it's really hard to draft fantasy football players in a crowded bar when I have a raging hard on
Yes. I masterbate to Harry Potter. It's what our generation does.
Don’t judge me
Some of us don’t have access to dick on a constant basis
Randomize