how about we just leave your boyfriend out of this
the fact that my dorm room overlooks a children's daycare is enough initiative for me to have safe sex.
no i decided against it. savin my coke binge for finals week.
you covered his dog in toothpaste. safe to say hes not gonna call you.
Did you guys seriously let me trade my id for a kebab last night??
You know you're old when tea and a hot bath are more appealing than beer pong with lesbians.
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
Well my ankle is fucked up, everytime it pops I have a reminder of $200. Jager bomb night and the day we began to rebuild our friendship.
Spring Fling is on 420. The theme better be 'Flower Child'.
I want there to be fog machines and unicorns.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
I have walked into stripper central, but I'm on the street at 1:00 in the afternoon
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
My cat is staring at me while I drink my wine on the bathroom floor in the morning instead of attending class. Sorry mom and dad. Sorry cat.
I showed up to a job interview wearing two different shoes. If that's not an omen, I don't know what is.
only you would understand that I was talking from the perspective of my boobs
Randomize
