Blowing lines off from the book where the wild things are... bad babysitter?
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
he suggested we appoligize to eachother. then do blow and painkillers & have ourselves a make-up party.
me and my mom are sitting in the bank parking lot drying my beer soaked check with the heat... the whole car smells like heinekin and I'm trying to convince her I don't need a.a.
Postcard from jail please. Reserving a spot on my fridge.
I'm sitting next to some random guy in a gorilla suit drinking out of a bottle of vodka.
He's majoring in Religion
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
I think I collapsed a disk in my spine when I drunkenly lifted that fat girl on my shoulders to chicken fight at the pool.
I am still sore from last night. I can't wait for you to meet my parents.
I think the blind guy i flirt with on a regular basis is starting to realize he's old enough to be my father. I can't tell if he's into it or not.
In my defense I didn't know there was concrete on the other side of that fence when I tossed him over it.
You're both fucking idiots and this is why I should never let you two drink alone.
Did my dad just see you doing a walk of shame?
Yup I waved.
Ben Franklin would totally be a furry.
You're smoking weed and checking Tumblr I take it?
How did I get up here...did jesus lift me up
Don’t eat the Doritos. Jeff was eating them while he was watching porn
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