he screamed my twitter name while we were having sex.
The best was having to tell my 16y/o cuz and her bf that we could see him fingering her in the inner tube. Lucky for them, I'm the cool cousin... and was river-level fuckedup.
Rolling one last joint on my Psych textbook before trading it in. I might actually cry.
Theres was an instant understanding between us being drunk on the trampoline at four in the morning and the people walking down the road at the same time
Theres a picture of you hanging up on the wall in mcdonalds, i'm impressed
The stripper just invited me to take shots with him out at his car after he gets off stage.. I mean why not? I've already seen everything he's got and it'll be easy to get him naked.
I apparently insisted on hugging all the bushes and apologizing for pollution on the way home.
You're the only person I know who could blow literal chunks, laugh about it, then proceed to shotgun another beer. Love you champ.
You came down the stairs dressed as winnie the pooh and kicking cups off the table and out of people's hands
I feel like a pile of chihuahua shit that got eaten by a Great Dane who puked it up and then set it on fire.
Ok thats great. so just to recap: you fucked a billionare in his penthouse last night, and I had a glass of wine on the toilet.
i got woken up by a cockroach crawling onto my hand and now i'm pretty sure i'll never be clean again
Oh yeah I meant to tell you the Tomb Raider looking girl so crop dusted me on the stairway
like honestly, the vodka had to go somewhere, and your moms soap dispenser just seemed right at the time..
only i would get cock blocked by a cop
Randomize
