dude they were twins that means they were both only 17
update. expensive tequila only makes the mistakes more expensive.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
I can't decide who is the bigger alcoholic: you for opening that bottle of wine just now or me for hearing it in the other room over the air conditioner
I will come to your office dressed as a bloody mary, hug you then leave is that a good plan?
yes. bring a barf bucket too. just. in. case.
Idk. I'm naked in front of the computer eating ribs. All is right with the world.
That's so nerdy and hot at the same time.
She wants to fuck me. On a tennis court. In her tennis outfit. Is ring-shopping an acceptable 3rd date activity?
God I hope my hair dresser doesn't realize that all these hairspiration pictures are from gay porn blogs on tumblr.
It was like die hard. Except with more penises.
You asked me if you could throw up in my shoe.
Mom called her a cunt. I think that's code for "don't bring her over ever again."
You know she's gonna fuck shit up when she shows up in a neon wind-suit
New strategy for telling if someone is drunk: will they attempt to drink a candle if you put a straw in it?
I want you inside me. Finish your papers.
I am a taco. I am also really high.
I've always seen you more as a chimichanga.
Randomize
