ally, we are sitting by a fire and you are totally hot. no pun intended
is it bad that while shopping i looked specifically for clothes that hold their form after taking them off and putting them on again and again?
and this is why i am such an inspirational person, i am the Joel Osteen of alcoholics.
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
I just made a moltov cocktail out of lubricant and a christmas bulb. The fire is still going strong. MERRY CHRISTMAS
After the second day the hotel realized I wasn't responsible enough to have a comforter, so they took it for the rest of the trip.
I thought your voice was coming from the walls. I've never been so relieved to find you naked in a closet
I just call them the hipster frat because they wear shirts other than pastel polos and listen to MGMT while playing dice.
Operation: pick up a lawyer was a resounding success. Commence operation: football mugshot weekend
He asked me if my princess crown was real and before I could say yes, he was already reaching to put it on. I'm pretending I'm asleep if he tries to have sex.
I woke wondering who the hell was in my bed. Then i felt boobs and remembered Haha. Thirsty Thursday killed my liver and my homosexuality
sorry bout the carpet, but you DID call it "blackout punch" not "don't vom on my floor punch"
Kinda. I got kicked outta the bar, and then incited a riot until the cops came and I bailed
she broke the sink..i repeat the sink is off the wall. send help
I think it may be easier if I stay drunk/high til the wedding. You game?
Randomize
