whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
i don't know what kind of porn he watches.. but that is NOT how you do it...
shes wearing a jean skirt, its frayed. i got this
she tried giving me head in the pool. it was more entertaining than pleasurable
at least he lost his v-card with a bang... or should i say the clap.
It's sad that my net worth at the moment is 4 beers
I don't care how high you are, you can't finger me while eating potato chips.
I remembered to bring wine in a nalgene bottle, but I forgot sunscreen and water. I'm starting to question my life decisions.
I have a pocket in my purse that is just for condoms and cocktail swords. I feel like that speaks volumes about me as a person
There are some sad choices of men in the ER. That one was missing teeth. Not the place to find a husband.
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
the fact that i came three times was completely negated by the fact that he high-fived himself after.
I'd climb him like a horny MILF spider monkey.
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
So a bottle of lube exploded all over my softball bag and Nike shirt.
Randomize
