he urdandictionary'ed 'tease' on his phone and made me read through all the definitions. Am i really that bad?
You slept in the bed with him... with your top off.... and just made out with him....
Mental note: adding peach schnapps to a gin and tonic does not "water it down."
The cab driver told me he hopes I look up to him as a father figure. Then he asked if I wanted him to take me to the hospital
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
Turned out the thing on the lampshade was a bloodstain, not a bedbug. We feel much safer now.
there's a guy pushing a keg up the street in a shopping cart. you have to love graduation
I wish we could skip the pretense of being normal and just start drinking wine with breakfast
Is it wrong that I get drunk and let him eat me out then fall asleep? He offers me so much and yet I do nothing. I feel like a republican.
I think I'm gonna cut my hair just so I stop waking up with semen in it
Sexy intern needs to have caveman sex with me
He's perfect in every other way. Is buying him a cockring too forward or just honest?
I'm using emojis for drug deals now. It's time to kill me.
I don't know why, but whenever I shave my balls I feel more aerodynamic.
Yeah come over whenever. Weed gets here at 8.
I'll be there at 7:59.
Right. Cuz nothing screams "You made it!" quite like selling your used underwear to strangers you met on the internet.
Randomize
