I'm chasing vodka with french fries.
so... thinking about masturbating finally
taking the losers way out I see
I take back everything I said about communal showers
He told me his penis would be a "Sad Panda" if I didn't give it a ride through the jungle.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
When boys buy condoms it makes me feel proud of their mothers for doing a good job
Seriously, this trumpet player gives me chills. Might be the drugs.
Apparently I missed the "You may have to jack off a horse" part of the application.
Have I showed you the picture of my vagina with a little bang flag coming out of it?
Dude, we got to the strip club as they were closing, and you starting crying because, and I quote, "This is the closest to birthday sex I'm gonna get."
I'm about to eat a 2month old weed brownie I just found in my lax duffel bag. will you answer if I call you in like an hour and a half
I'm gonna tell the medical examiner that your cause of death was over-arousal.
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
Where'd you go?
Laundry, im. A responsible drunk
I want you
Nvm, now I want someone who replies to my booty-call texts faster
Randomize
