i wonder why nobody wants to date me...im doing a crossword at work and asked out loud: whats a 4 letter word for 'a reason to get married?'
i was like PREG?
I'm youtube-ing children's choirs. Am I adorable? Or am I a child predator?
Predator. Straight up.
i think im in love. he told me he doesnt care if i shave down there.
I like when I have the chance to say normal things like 'I know her from college' vs 'I did a ton of blow with her one night at Studio B.'
Had dinner with my ex husband. The box of wine is gone and I'm laying on the floor in my wedding dress. Where are you?!
He fingered me and now wants me to go get plan b because of it. WE'RE IN COLLEGE.
You think he will forgive me for the paper being a week late if I bring him a beer?
...it's a 9am class...
I'm not breaking up with him because his husky is having puppies.
Why are we so great
Like I'm def going to a therapist but I wouldn't change a thing about us except maybe the peeing
I'm at the nutcracker high as shit. It's so beautiful. I cried.
the shoes thing blows my mind idk how the fuck i did that and im also missing 4 of my birth control pills like did i drunkenly decide to overload my body with estrogen
You're the only guy I know who could convince a lady at the pharmacy to trade you her pain pills for your antibiotics.
I drove them away with my sparkling personality and LOTR references.
I just threw up on the way to class. Legit, on the sidewalk by psych building.
THAT WAS YOU? Psych prof just pointed out the window and said "that kids, is why you don't pregame before class"
Hypothetically speaking of course, is it bad if a cat eats lube?
Randomize
