i just saw a man dusting the fake palm trees at the mall
...welcome to nebraska
im looking at burger kings website. there isnt one anywhere close to where we were last night. i think it was sent from heaven
When I blacked in, I was crying to my father at the swim-up bar that "I was going to win an Oscar." how do you THINK Mexico was?
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
I was changing in front of my window and my neighbor text me saying, "nice pubes."
Nothing ends a night of heavy drinking better than banging to three six mafia in your own driveway
Im just using you for your dick and your superb survival skills if needed.
So to add to headbutting the microwave while waiting for my hot pockets to cook. I apparently told both bartenders earlier in the night I was going to fuck them both. I hate black out drunk me..
Plus idk what to say. Like hello dapper gentleman will you pursue me in a midnight hangout where I can be choked
She said she didn't feel right fucking on her parents dining room table I grabbed the only thing around bubblewrap she blew me for creativity
No one with a hairstyle like that is allowed to insult anyone for anything
When was the last time you got laid?
When was the last time you came home sober?
touche
So I tried to catch a rabbit in Terraria & accidentally blew it up with a grenade made of bees. Monty Python would be proud.
Randomize
