someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
well he has a gf so if he picks me up tonight i'll only him finger me
He nailed 50 frozen hamburgers to the ceiling last night. Now there are flies every where.
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
Just woke up with my keys in one hand and cheesecake in the other.
Theres a guy in your room wearing a franzi box costume and some girl is in the box giving him head.
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I definitely pole-danced a parking meter outside a party last night. The cheering was appreciated.
He probably tastes like german chocolate and coffee beans
Seriously though, my ovaries are trying to crawl out of my body and into his pants.
Can you bring me a corn dog or something shaped like one?
Why can't I come over and snuggle you and make you lick my boots
Was about to close the deal last night until he said he hadn't seen the Taylor Swift video. So I made him watch it before I let him have sex with me.
People trash cargo shorts, but I'm like, sorry I had room for beers and you didn't.
Is using La Croix as a mixer for vodka a legit way to reach my daily water consumption?
Hey! you should come over!
Who is this? The number is saved as "Sexy Awesome"
Randomize
