good news, i'm not pregnant. bad news, i had sex with ***** last night and i think i'd rather be pregnant
i didnt know what to say other then wrong hole.....after that the moment was ruined.
Somewhere in this world my second husband is in 9th grade.
She gave him HEAD floating down the river in a tube as big a a tire. I just don't know how to compete with that sort of level of slut.
we all know badassery is carried on the XX chromosome
And yes, in case u were wondering a 25 year old high school agriculture teacher did just hit on me At Walmart bc of my pinata
You were yelling in my ear let's double team her with her right next to us
Nothing makes me happier than finding out someone else is pregnant and it's not you.
Not even joking, someone broke into the house to watch porn. The cops are on the way.
Life Goals: never under any circumstances, pee in an elevator again. No matter how drunk
I just stole a bunch of balloons from a birthday party and am giving one to each person at the bar.
a large sweaty girl i dont know is sleeping in my bed. A scotish man and a small child looking dude are on the couches im on the floor sleeping and im ok with it
I bought a machete, tennis balls, and matches. How is this NOT going to be a great night?
I was so high I just stared at the papa john's app on my phone and cried
If I'm not naked in the back of a cop car having sex by the end of the night, I did something wrong..
Randomize
