even a "fuck you" would be nice at this point.
I just saw a man salute the budweiser truck on the highway. I want to follow him and shake his hand.
How can it be called memorial day weekend....I don't even remember this weekend
I legit had to pull him off my car. Then he texted me saying 'take me places.' Shotgun getting that drunk tonight
He broke up with his gf yesterday so he could give me our annual Christmas sex at midnight.
Marry him. Now.
whiskey
stop
tequila
you're fuckin up my ability to be a agrown up
I feel like I'm eight miles away and my brain is just now getting here. You got a lot of fucking catching up to do.
I mean I'm not gay but a hundred bucks is a hundred bucks
I just threw up 34 cents. What in god's name did we do last night?
I'm pretty sure he's playing the harmonica in my shower right now. I just really need to pee.
Some male strippers are here, I threw pancakes at them. It's ok
Why make bad decisions when I can watch you?
He's my favorite late night booty call. He lives next to a Wendy's.
Woke up to I'm AWESOME written in purple crayon all over my walls. I love drunk me
This should be illegal
It is
I mean more illegal... I shouldn't have this
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