Come on... In this relationship-economy, you gotta have "awesome blowjobs" on your resume.
I was just referred to as 'the margarita slut' by an 11 year old.
I've eaten cheese dip for three consecutive meals. I think I need to branch out.
I told him I wanted to "ride him like a show pony" I think he gets the picture
do you know where my other puke covered boot is
We now only communicate via Xbox messages. Living together is so easy
My boyfriend just asked what time I was coming over. As soon as my old BF unchains me. I think he ran away.
I wish I could be at this cabin banging all these old dads
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
well. can officially check "get caught having sex on the front porch by the neighbors" off the bucket list.
I ate breakfast with him. And by ate breakfast I mean we fucked on the kitchen table.
Whatever you have to do, STALL THEM. Your toothbrush is in the kitchen, my pants are on the balcony, and I don't have eyebrows.
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
I'm just going to take a nap and hope I wake up more attractive.
This is an alert from the drunk police: you have reached the point of no return. Text messages past this point are illegible.
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