I smell stomach acid.
This just in: Jon Gosselin's address-The Alexandra. I bet if we showed up he'd date us.
There was a pool of blood on my desk and we still don't know who it belongs to. missed a good party, man.
he had to chose between the booze and condoms
what did he choose?
the booze, then looked at me and said, plan b is free right?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The cop only confirmed I'm .22% Irish. Then I threw up on him.
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
lets be honest. she's not NEARLY as much fun to fb creep since she got out of rehab...
Your maid of honor is passed out in a golf cart on the 18th hole.
You stood outside his house all night throwing your sister's leftover Easter eggs and singing 'now you're just somebody that I used to blow'
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
And for some reason I just want to have sex with EVERYTHING
In between rounds of sex, you stopped and did drunken handstand push-ups.
Winning pick four numbers were just 6969... if I were 18 I could've won 20,000 dollars.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
You are in my phone as "Thigh Gap" and you apparently work for "DO NOT DRUNK TEXT, INC." That is why I called you six times last night. So unless you take a second job at "NO DRUNK DIALING LLC" expect more. PS I am sober so this is legit.
There we go, I shall begin my attempt to achieve whore status today
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