I feel like this whole "telling that guy i have a kid to avoid him" thing is getting out of hand..
How so?
Probably at the point when i told him i was "Too drunk to drive" and "had to pick up my kid" all in a span of like 2 hours.
Pretty certain he passed out for a while going down on me. Absolutely certain he passed out during the blow job.
I just got peed on. This karma circle is starting to get vicious.
I wish drunk me wasn't so into manscaping. Or at least good at it. Either or really
I figured working in my office on the 34th floor I'd be safe railing xanax off my desk. Of course, I snort it just in time for the window washer guy to give me a thumbs up.
When he couldn't get it up, he handed me a beer, put his clothes back on, and said "try again tomorrow."
Wednesday is good, I needed the head count for the orgy, caroling can happen with as few as 2 people. There will be a pinata.
For the caroling or the orgy?
you told the police officer you wanted to be just like her one day but not a lesbian
He pulled out a coupon for $2.50 off the crab cakes and expected us to share that as a meal. Is that the kind of person you really see me dating?
How is it that I, the only one that didn't drink last night, was the only one puking out the car window?
You came out of your room naked under your open robe with a mouth full of brownie on a stick and grabbed a fistful of fruit loops and shoved them into your already full mouth.
I feel like too many of my sentences start of with "Hey, fuckface!"
I AM SO HORNY, I AM GOING TO DIE. I NEED SOMEONE TO WISH MY VAGINA A MERRY CHRISTMAS.
soo... how was my night?
AND ONCE AGAIN THE HENNESSEY MAKES ME A SUPER SAIYAN
Oh for fuck's sake, is that why the couch is in the pool???
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