That bitch is like a bad destiny's child song.
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
Just saw actual Chinese people doing a Chinese firedrill. Good day.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
You were pissed we didn't change the movie to Eurotrip so you kept singing "Scotty Doesn't Know" over and over until you passed out.
Please get rnbert tn get chebk h'm in i'm no dead when he getr gome
He's dressed as a power ranger handing out cocaine
Heaven was on the 3rd floor and Hell was on the first. When the cop walked up he was confused as to who the noise complaint was for and wrote both apartments a noise violation.
She called my landing strip a "vagina mohawk"....
Lesbians are weird.
You ever just wake up and decide, today I'm going to eat a whole bag of fritos and a tub of cream cheese
I was about to attempt a citizen's arrest on my RA
I found a picture of me as a little kid with nothing on except a towel covering one of my nipples and I'm glaring at the camera. Literally nothing has changed except I have boobs now
What if he turns back to me, finds me seemingly fondling my breasts, and thinks I'm turned on by eagles?
Look. When I let you cum on my tits don't fuck it all up by going "SKEET SKEET SKEET" it just pisses me off.
DO I FUCKING *LOOK* LIKE SOMEONE WHO HAS THEIR ACT TOGETHER!?!? THE ANSWER IS "NO"!
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