you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
Dude if it is possible to orgasm from shitting i think it just happened.
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
i dont mean to point any fingers but there is a lot of urine in the kitchen
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I decided not to eat, and then this man was my fairy " don't black out" godmother
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
I bet he'd be real motivational during sex. And he'd probably make you call him superman.
My head feels like Jesus is projectile vomiting hammers on it
I'm so incredibly high right now the fact I am texting is nothing short of miraculous. Call the Pope. Hell make me Saint Roy, patron of stoners.
Well I met my booty call's parents by accident, so that happened.
Im wearing black today mourning the orgasm i couldn't get this morning :(
He's going to be in the air guitar championships in june. Need I say more.
Maybe singing about how you'd bang Morgan Freeman to the tune of Single Ladies while holding champagne and a box of Cheerios wasn't the best first impression on his parents
I told my mom that I might be hungover today so she needs to make me an omelet.. it happened and I'm happy
Randomize
