I tried karate at age 7 and quit after realizing it conflicted with watching new episodes of "Full House."
I sat alone in Buffalo Wild Wings eating chocolate cake on Country Western karoake night. The waiter asked me if I was ok. Twice.
I gave myself a pep talk in the library bathroom mirror. and then threw up in the sink.
Just watched a guy puke off his bike. Beyond impressed. He didn't even swerve
My lower body still feels like its been through a garbage disposal and a trash compactor. In that order.
There were two girls and a guy on a bed and now i can put porn director on my resume.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Fuck yeah GAYNESS
*explodes into glitter*
I have really important information for you regarding the furry convention this weekend
Like I owe him sex. Hell fucking no. I owe myself sex. With a celebrity. Or a clean pornstar. Who knows.
I'm sorry for getting drunk and throwing a robo-bird at you.
I don't care how hot he is. I will not strip for him to country music.
I just want to sit in my tub, drugged out of my mind, and watch the green lantern cartoon while the world as we know it ceases to exist outside my bathroom door, Okay? Is that REALLY too much to ask?
No, I barely made it home last nite. Kept telling cab driver I live across the street from Susan Sarandon?? Thank god her coop addy is posted online.
I just drunkenly emailed my feminist dissertation as a resignation letter for my call center job. What am I doing with my life!?
Randomize
