Is it wrong to scream your own name when about to bust?
Your brother just successfully got half the bar mostly naked
don't wear any deodorant. we have to do everything we can to sabotage this wedding
i wrote her a fucking poem. i better get laid for that
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Something strange is happening to me, I think I miss hooking up with girls sober
He tried to bang a 300 pounder last night. No joke. I shotgunned a tall boy in a bar cuz the bartender didn't crack the beer. Cant wait till Nashville.
what is the protocol for being hungover enough to vomit in a potted plant during my botany lecture?
WHY DO I WANT TO FUCK EVERY GUY THAT BREATHES
What would you say is a healthy ratio of sex vs. being called a fucking asshole in a relationship?
Ur here to start shit and I'm here to light that shit on fire
Did I tell you I’m going on a date? His name is Michael and we both like dinosaurs and anal.
If he flies out here I will sleep with him. I have morals, but not when it comes to southern accents
I'm getting reacquainted with drunk me. She has grown up a lot.
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