i may or may not be hanging out with a boxer who has a daughter tonight. and he just spelled "honestly" like "onistly". He has prob taken a few too many hits to the head but he's hot at least.
i keep walking around campus wondering if anyone is as stoned as i am
I drank so much Goldschläger last night, I could shit a necklace.
took acid and went on safebus. all the lights were off except the adds. swear to god it was a submarine
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
he described going down on me as being like 'entering a jungle of deliciousness and fur
While I was fucking him, he grabbed a taco off his shelf and started eating it. I had taco dripped on me. I have no idea where the taco came from.
Haha...we lost by one cup to a guy w shitty facial hair. What makes me most mad abt the loss is that I could grow a better beard on my vag.
I made a list on my phone of places I want to fuck, it's right under my list of groceries I'm getting a little too used to regular sex but dude monogamy is the shit
As my straight cousin I need you to answer a question. Are the Astros a baseball team, and if so, are they good? This is flirting related and time-sensitive.
Ran out of eye drops right after putting them in one eye. Half baked at work.
He has great taste in girls. I feel closer to my Eskimo sisters than my real sister...
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
I'm making myself the patron saint of bisexuality
She fucked my eyebrows.. I've never had that done before.
Wait... Plucked, or Fucked?
Fucked, but I understand your need to clarify
Randomize
