I'm not ok right now. I just walked in on a 600lb woman passed out on the toilet and she walked out and tried to eat her cell phone. I'm on acid I think.
I wish there was a facebook app that filtered my notifications to show only the ones having to do with people who'll fuck me.
I'm in the dining hall. that same guy is here again, the one who sits alone and talks to his silverware.
i really wish someone from a royal background would fuck me so i could literally say i was 'royally fucked'.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
So I realized I was officially over him when I was getting a lap dance on the keg bus at 3am from his old boss and I was double fisting:)
Whenever I walk away from the group without saying anything, NEVER assume I'm just going to the bathroom.
we passed out in our seats at the game for about 3innings. I guess they showed it on the big screen. nap n rally!
You kept yelling in my face " YOU'RE GONNA HAVE TO SUCK A DICK TONIGHT!"
I can't tell if I'm getting better at doing my online spanish hw drunk or if my teacher is just grading on creativity. Either way that senoritas gettin an applebees gift card when i graduate.
I might have snap chatted him. So here's what I need you to do. Find him. Abduct him. Get his phone. View the chat so he can't. Then, buy him ice cream. He deserves ice cream.
Judging by the ckaw marks on my back i'm gonna go out on a limb and say that blonde chick was a werewolf. A sexy, kinky werewolf.
I've officially slept with/dated two guys that have gotten tased. What the fuck is wrong with me
I woke up at 3am, top off, with campus security telling me to get dressed. Tonight was a GOOD NIGHT
Well that didn’t go as expected.
I mean, it ended in you giving each of them a blowjob, so it kinda did.
Randomize
