Idk if this white stuff in my shower is conditioner or... something else?
I feel like I am becoming dumber sitting here in class than I would be sitting on the couch smoking weed.
just bought a coffee grinder that advertiesed spacious grinding chamber...new nickname for my bedroom?
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
HE IS COURTING ME WITH CHINESE FOOD AND IT IS WORKING.
I wanna introduce you to my balls, Thunder and Lightning.
There's 50 people in our house, none of them are wearing shirts. The keg has been relocated twice and our bathroom door is missing again...when will we ever learn?
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
She's legally too young to drink and was making out with a guy who is ethically too old to drink.
The part of "Dave" will now be played by "Rob." Rob, why don't you unzip and show Dave why that is.
You seemed underwhelmed by my smooth, smooth ass
We sexted for four hours straight. Is this really what my life has come to?
I'm going to smell of sex and shame.
How is that different than any other Monday night?
YOUR MANICOTTI IS FULL OF LIES
Sorry i meant to send that to my mom
He just kept going down on me. And he was all like, do you mind? No motha fucka, who would? All of his ex's, apparently. Whatever, he's a gem and I'm keeping him.
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