She said her name was "party"
Consumer Beware: Redhead has herpes.
:O -> O: ... that's emoticon for "he threw up in my mouth while we were making out"
you drew a penis with ranch dressing. tried to take a picture of it and dropped your phone in it. Then made moaning sounds while you licked it off.
Yea.. I remember nothing. Except that the taxi driver was 56 years old and apparently never cheated on his wife.
He bought me Ben & Jerrys and then apologized for the fact that he was going to fall asleep before we could have sex
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
dude, my ass and shoulder hurt from that kayak last night... note to self: wood planks holding kayak from ceiling do not also hold up a human being
He stared me down while singing "Let Me Love You" to me while we were having sex. I don't know whether to marry him or file a restraining order.
You can't do wine Netflix and blow jobs in the bed you've had since 5th grade with your parents downstairs
he took a fucking pitcher of koolaid and vodka to the bath with him... i wake up from my blackout to his roomate screaming cause he spilled it and passed out in the middle of a blood red tub. she thought he killed himself. jesus christ its only the first day of break and i already regret coming home
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
There will be plenty of opportunity for me to sexualize Mike via VenMo.
I can’t shake the image of her gigantic black unibrow. It’s like I got a blowie from Eugene Levy
well that was a fail
maybe for you, but i got a free ice cube in my bra
Randomize
