You know your life is awesome when sometimes you walk down the street eating a sandwich and you run into someone you had a threesome with. And not say hi.
i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
i love marijuana more then i could love a human baby.
I drank gravy. I actually drank gravy. This is heaven.
You will not judge me for my made-up holiday of wine appreciation day
130 PACKAGES of glow sticks! The going rate of a rave is $38.30! GET READY FOR THE GLORGY!!!!!!!!!!!!
I don't listen when you talk. I just try to find new creative ways to get you to send me naked pictures.
You're doing a terrible job of letting me hook up with girls vicariously through you.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I WOULD SERIOUSLY RECOMMEND THE SHIT THAT I AM ON RIGHT NOW
I just told a guy I'm a cross of Kim K, Hilary Clinton and a dragon... He was still into it.
This morning when you were fucking me you said you'd go to the store and get me tampons and a 30 pack
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
woke up to two girls crawling on top of me forcefeeding me bacon. Best. Hangover. Ever.
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