rough night. sneezed a watermelon seed this morning and apparently I drunk dialed my boss for a ride home. twice.
he said he wished he had more hands so he could firmly hold my boobs.
So you walked 4 miles to get home but stopped by the store first to get a vegetable tray? How drunk were you?
Todays life lesson brought to you by last nights half pitchers of cheap sangria: you'll never get the stain or the SMELL of sangria vomit out of your bedroom carpet.
Went to the strip club with my aunt. Do you know how hard it is to be a pervert in front of your female family members?
I know. He gave me a hug and i was like jesus i can just feel the std through your sweatshirt
If I had a penis, I'd want to put it in you. And I'd treat you with respect and pay for your drinks.
I'm gonna guess ur still high cus last night at like 3am my pillows were morphing into cats and I kept trying to pet them
you got into a really intense arguement about protecting bees. it was wierdly arousing.
Well, personally I like to keep my blackmail in well organised folders.
Not all of us can be into hot dads. Some of us have to have commitment issues and be into musicians.
He wrote his entire dissertation last night. I can only imagine the frightening amount of headway he would make if he ever did things sober.
so we just got back from swapping peoples patio furniture around to different patios. some people might like unexpected change. others might regret living on the ground floor.
no, it was more of an i-don't-think-he-even-knows-what-a-clitoris-is, bad.
Once my new license was put into my hand, a light from the heavens shined down and pauly D's voice was in my mind saying ohh yeaaah 21 yeaaah
Randomize
