i'm writing my speech about my 4th grade backstreet boy concert experience. that sums up how seriously i take my life.
You've got more to offer than just money. Come on. You have an awesome rack.
you kept looking at stripers and saying " Go to College"
Her stepmother interrupted our sex to tell her it was midnight and she wanted to do a sympathy shot for her 50th.
Don't break up.
You were in your third change of clothes, and I found you in my driveway passed out with my dog's food bowl. You win.
but they dont look like handprints. looks like someone had a boxing match with my tits and my tits lost
A very confused plastic surgeon just called. Apparently I called asking how much it costs to get a vodka funnel installed straight to my brain...
I asked her why she was drunkenly masturbating to Iron Man and all she replied was "Robert Downey Jr". As far as excuses go, that seemed pretty legit.
They were so huge my eyes were just drawn to them. Boob gravity man.
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
I was writing 'DISTRACTION' across my chest in Sharpie when my boob fell out. Right on camera.
Just got your voicemail. The 3am call wasn't a drunk dial, it was an I left my phone in my pocket then has wild animalistic sex dial...
I hate you.
You LOVE me.
I once left mine in my bra and I forgot and I didn't notice it was there until it vibrated.
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