I'm thinking of having one or both of my boobs out. They're small but they're mighty.
Last night at the bar my fuck buddies found out about each other.
Wtf? What happened?
Not quite sure but they rock, paper, scissored to see who was taking me home.
I submitted an essay to my history teacher comparing changes in the middle ages to the song changes by David Bowie. I can't wait to see my grade on that.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
Not sure if you carved a butthole or vagina in that pumpkin but that didn't stop high Phil from mounting. My study group is horrified.
We would have taken you home with us, but you were outside the bar measuring a randoms stream of piss by walking along side it... you said you were only at 32 feet and it still had a couple of grooves to hit.
You kind of have a nervous, desperate thing going on that isn't exactly catnip for bitches
you stuck pieces of bread to your face with peanut butter and asked if it looked like you had a facial yeast infection.
ohhhh that's why they asked me to leave...
I got high with the cantor. Rethinking this whole non-practicing Jew thing.
Whatever. I'll take my new fine ass dick sucking nails elsewhere.
How awkward is it to have the guy you used to sleep with congratulate you on your engagement? I'll tell you. Very.
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Well I'm glad your Saturday night went a lot better than mine. I spent mine crying in a McDonald's parking lot.
High. As. Fuck. I thought the kid next to me didn't have an arm for like 2 hours.
Hahahaha I'm glad you woke me up with this text.
Soooo, hypothetically, how long would roommates have to sleep together before its considered dating...
Randomize
