im sitting at a bagel shop wearing a princess crown hungover and have a sweater that is not mine.
I assumed she put out when I heard her friend call her "dickbutt"
i have a strong feeling i fucked one of the waiters here...
We fucked on top of all of our English papers in celebration of the semester ending.
figured you should hear this from me. Your refrigerator door is way broken. I opened it last night when i was drunk and tried to climb the shelves. i got to the one with the mustard.
I hope we all get so wasted that we ride the cows again
I would ask what did you do but I feel like who did you do is probably more appropriate
Passed out on the bench in the men's bathroom. Feel much better now.
You did profess your love for cotton multiple times and your hatred for all other fabrics
I'll remember. Also, I owe you 200 for a pair of shoes that I carelessly bought to improve my spinal structure, to improve my health and ensure that I love to be 300 years old. Like Adam. Of the bible.
She just told me she thinks she bruised her labia in class
Chang gave me a 1.5 gallon beer tasting cup, i have a new boyfriend with a huge stick, Members of the Irish Rugby team slapped my ass and cheered for firmness, and a couple of strangers are naming the child after me. Best. Weekend.Ever.
I'll bring your "congrats on finally banging" cookies tomorrow, I'm exhausted.
It's pretty self explanatory. You tried to have sex on the hood of a car in front of everyone
WHY IS THERE A GOLD FISH IN MY BONG??
Randomize