i'm so hungover...i might vomit in a handbag instead of selling them
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
You took a bag of frozen peas to bed wiith you "to help with the inflamation".
we flagged you as soon as you tried to put the lime in the microwave to prove it was really a kiwi. again.
yeah, but the likliness of me finding my husband at a party where the facebook event is titled "NEW YEARS EVE SHIT SHOW" is highly unlikely
Apparently as I was doing the walk of shame home my dad's date was on her way to hers. hoes come in all ages these days
Taking back a box of condoms is possibly the most depressing thing i've ever done
he brought me knee pads...is that sweet or weird?
Can you send me a picture of you not naked, my mom wants to see what you look like
Come get her ASAP. She's "people bowling," which is just her rolling into random groups of people. People look pissed.
I think I'm going to go into my next therapy session with hot client with my fly down and when he tells me about it I'm going to say "how did that happen?!" and then porn music will start to play.
I have this terrible fear I might accidentally text a pic of my dick to my grandma
I told the cops they couldn't arrest me until they found my shoe. Now I have the grant county cops looking for my heels by the rail road tracks.
Just because you are home alone for the weekend doesn't mean you can act like a nudist.
I accept your opinion but respectfully disagree. Also, I'm sitting in your chair.
Like wanna sit on your face while you speak German hot
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