When my options for Friday night are being a 3rd wheel or bringing a gay man as my date i need to focus on other things in life like having a successful career.
You were so drunk last night you thought you force pushed the automatic door open.
Dude, you were so drunk last night that when we went into subway, you forgot the word for bread.
For his 21st I'm getting a fancy hotel that way he can at least sleep in a nice bathtub
Just bought a waterproof mattress cover. Bring it on sophomore year.
If I don't have carpet burn in the morning you aren't trying hard enough.
I have discovered that there is nothing that a giant penis attached to a southern accent can't talk me into. yee-haw!
I GOT MY PERIOD THIS IS A GLORIOUS DAY I AM TOTALLY GOING TO MAKE PIES TO CELEBRATE THAT THERE ARE NO REPUBLICANS IN MY UTERUS!
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
It's disgusting. He breathes through his mouth and just sounds fat. Plus he chews all loud and shit.
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Watching boy meets world, drinking left over pink panty droppers and coloring in a my little pony coloring book. This is my Monday night
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
Randomize
