my dad just secretly slid me a nugg in front of my mom. remind me why I moved away for college??
what part of covering your puke with shaving cream seemed like a good idea?
Yeah that's one way to look at it on the other hand MY FUCKING BED CAUGHT ON FUCKING FIRE
I heard liver failure is in for 2012 anyways
Sorry blacked out and lost my phone. Judging by the looks of my body I fought a cat and fell into a bush.
i wonder if cab drivers are trained in the art of delivering girls back to their dorms on Saturday mornings. because mine was so nice that he dropped me off at the back of my building so no one would see me.
How did you not realize the handbrakes were stuck?
I thought I was just out of shape.
He spent like 5 minutes figuring out how best to position me so I would still be able to watch the game. Maybe there is a benefit to dating a guy who cares about me but doesn't care about my team.
Pretty sure this is the part where you go buy a ring.
I felt like... 50% confused and 50% like a slow roasted flip flop.
Got with someone dressed up as Allen from the hangover so that's where I'm at in life
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
It is not a successful senior year unless you show up to campus without pants at least once, right?
I just got the most majestic image of a potato sack full of dildos getting whipped at your head in slow motion.
Are you really trying to argue your case that you seduced my cat?
Listen, you eat the donut. I eat you out. Everybody wins.
Randomize
