When you only buy popcorn and condoms at the grocery store they know whats up.
i would punch a child for taco bell
I just fired a shotgun out of the back of a truck going 60. i am going to miss oregon.
just found out my horoscope sign is scales. it's like i was destined to be a drug dealer
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I'm not sure if it was the 11 shots or your naturally vibrant personality but I recall you being quite noisy that evening
I will accept it in the form of tooth necklace but if you have better ideas I am open to suggestions.
I felt that there wouldn't be enough planB and forgiveness to go around
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I asked him to change the channel. There was no way I could do reverse cowgirl with golf on.
When I come home and take my bra off and I'm served with a perfect grilled cheese along with a glass of wine. Priceless.
lol hangovers are for mortals.
This is not a test of the emergency warning system. He has broken my vagina. I repeat he has broken my vagina. Damn it was good.
I'm reading the Hobbit in my blanket fort alone with a bottle of wine... all I need is dungeons and dragons to complete this superfecta of awesome
Love that I’m sending my uber driver a thank you message for taking me home via mcdonalds tonight before I’m messaging my date from tonight! Lol
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