I thought she had blonde hair
No, Gonorrhea actually
i was puking in the toilet, he walked in and to talk to me and started puking in the sink.. Could this be my perfect man??
Sorry for talking about super scientific shit so much last night, I know it bugs you sometimes when I don't shut up.
What? You sat on the couch for a solid 2 hours staring at your fingerprints and the only word that came out of your mouth was "how"
After we smoked, the cops questioned us but i just asked if he wanted to join our basketball team.
I am currently watching him baptize himself in a baby pool with a handle of belvedere while wearing a coral dress.
I want to have sex with him.
HIV testing and a light brunch. Sounds like a great way to spend Christmas Eve.
Maybe you'll have a Christmas miracle
Dammit now I'm pissed. Its like I am torn between two worlds. A world of girls, and a world of people punching other people in the head. Both are just so beautiful.
Probably TMI here but I just rubbed one out while listening to thunderstruck, almost ripped my dick off.
you're no funn. i shall go consult my friend vodka on this matter.
I feel like you're the reason public nudity is illegal and generally frowned upon in society
How hard is it to grasp the concept of 'I lost an impromptu saber bout and so I have to make a macaroni map of Soviet Russi, including Kazicstan'!?
Don't be weirded out, but my bondage straps are made of my ex boyfriend's curtains
TFW YOU ACCIDENTALLY SEND A MEME ABOUT LIKING ANAL TO THE GROUP CHAT. JESUS FUCKING CHRIST, WHAT IS WRONG WITH ME?
I just took a condom out of my purse and opened it in front of my entire family because I thought it was a wetnap. Way too hungover for family brunch.
Of course he’s picking me up at the airport. I taught him the Lotus position last time we had sex.
Randomize
