ok what kind of idiot turns down casual afternoon sex?
Why do I fail so hard at ironing, when I'm a woman and i should be amazing at it?
because god found you far too good at oral sex and had to make all things even?
I'm a big fan of 2 things right now: 1) Gatorade and 2) the fetal position
I just pooped in his toilet and didn't flush...I desperately need to get him past the girls don't poop phase.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Don't make me choose between a good grade and anal
After doing lines off my chest, she said, "do you even know how fast I could suck your cock right now?!!" and her friend said, "yea she totally could".
his grandma walked in on us. twice. and he was truly fucking surprised when i put my pants back on.
Use "feeling words"
Yay
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I woke up this morning with a tampon in my nose and food EVERYWHERE...
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
He just stays over and makes naked pancakes in the morning
Like I could never be a lawyer because I would just look like a porn star impersonation of a lawyer.
I’m pretty sure I have teeth marks on my neck
What did you spend the night in her closet?
She said she was saving me for breakfast and locked me in there
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