life is all about the fine print - all i wanted was a fucking pony.
a fat lady just tried to bring a cooler stuffed full with burger kid through airport security. christ I'm going to miss the midwest.
All semester I have been trying to figure out if this kid in front of me is gay. His cell phone just went off with Britney's "Circus". Case closed.
she said 'i love fried rice', threw a condom at me and passed out naked.
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
I got 87 likes on my changed relationship status. It's official. I'm way more fucking awesome single.
They're mostly guys
Early bird gets the worm.
Drink for every country you've never heard of.
Fuuuuuuuuuck
My hair is crimped, I am walking with a roadie, and my vibrator is in my purse. I feel sorry for tomorrow.
I don't care how fucking drunk you are, you don't forget wanting to shove a wine bottle up someone's ass.
Ya I don't think I'm going anywhere, a cum towel, beer, and Vicodin was just exchanged in our white elephant present game
You're dating a nurse! That's smart, you never know when you'll have a medical emergency. Probably liver failure.
did you just try to prove your straightness by quoting a lady gaga song?
I have "if found please return to" written in sharpie on my arm, my uterus is rejecting everything, and I have hickies. I must actually be an 18 year old piece of shit girl instead of a responsible 23 year old
another side note: i'm officially selling my underwear on the internet
He was trying to break into my apartment to get the coke he left last night, didn't engage parking break, so the van started rolling. yup, it's broken.
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