I wanna crawl in your skin and have dreams about Bobby Kennedy tonight.
this coming from the guy that still thinks "pulling out" is a good form of birth control? just walk away
got in a fight at the bar because some dude thought i was being sarcastic when i told him "sweet mustache". it really was a sweet mustache
Then I opened the closet and then i found the babies
I got out of bed with her to go smoke a bowl with her roommate which was fine but I passed out when I went upstairs to take a piss.
Yeah.. she's probably not gonna call.
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
my roommate is sobbing and looking at photos of elephants. i'm so confused.
Hey I'm not sure why your jacket's covered in maple syrup but I just realized you didn't leave the house earlier wearing a jacket...
I was smelling my bathroom to make sure it didn't reek of weed...I spaced out and realized I was face to the wall sniffing it for 5 minutes.
Omg how many tall cans is too many tall cans for 1 pm
Best case scenario I do a bunch of dirty things to you, blow your mind and you enjoy it. Worst case I stare at you, poke at you, smile and droll on myself, you laugh.
like, by the end of my shift people were asking if I'd sobered up enough to take a drink order yet. that bad.
He sent me a pic of his coffee mug to be like "I'm having coffee too.” \nImagine that. Morning coffee. In your boring ass mug. Dick pic or gtfo.
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