a smallpox vaccine scar is like a lower back tattoo.
My text messages all automatically add Zs on them cause of your skank ass messages you send me
phil was outside the bar last night, sitting on the ground playing songs on a guitar hero guitar to people walking by for money...best version of free bird ever
I'm pretty sure my penis yawned halfway through. That loose.
I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?
the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.
Sorry about bonging beers with your mom but in all fairness you were late...
Just abandoned him for a bowl of soup and the living room floor...hope the window replacement guys don't get a show..I miss you!
I find out next week of the Australian was lying about his vasectomy or not. Keep your fingers crossed!
You wanna get laid? Be a female for once and stop bending nails to impress guys.
They sleep with other people as long as there is no oral. Logic and reason were thrown out the window a long time ago with them.
Just saw the ex while I was at CVS at 3am buying Depends for my heavy flow
It's the third day of class and I got told I smell like a distillery.
Her 4ft mother helped 5ft10 passed out me from the car to my girlfriend's bed at 1am...with whopper in hand
Well I had to have sex with him so he would buy me plan b. The fact that I had sex with someone else last night who couldn't afford it is irrelevant.
It's a race to see if I finish the bottle first or my homework
Randomize
