i think guys can sense when i'm not wearing underwear
My mom just drunkenly told me i was conceived in the back of a car, at a Bon Jovi concert.
Mines from giving head on hardwood floors.
before tonight, i was terrified of what tequila would make me do. but all it did was make me hook up with a movie star. sooo basically tequila's my new fave
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he asked me to have sex with him by saying 'take one for the team'. so no we didn't do it.
I mean how do you tell a nurse in the ER that you dislocated your knee giving a blowjob to your boyfriend.
Very innocently.
Girl it's 3:30 get your life together and come enjoy a bowl, some coffee and a brownie with me
As a gentleman, I asked her if she was sure and she just whispered "wreck me" in my ear. I took that as a green light.
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
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Sneaking the vodka in was the easy part.. listening to medley of puking in the porta pottys was not
Hey I was just wondering if you could go look for my teeth?
His mom finally got over her shame and smoked a bowl with us. Merry Christmas to all aka me.
We both knew it was over when I took a u turn at her belly button.
U wanna come over and watch talidaga nights. Ill make pancakes
What? It's 130 in the morning.
Aww come on i make bomb ass pancakes
she compared me favorably to her vibrator
which one?
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