Ew, dude I just walked in on my boss masturbating in the supply room at the restaurant. He didn't see me so I quickly shut the door and pretended like it didn't happen. And then literally five minutes later he came up to me and cupped my face with his hands and told me what a great employee I was. I got a promotion but I'm fucking scarred for life. I can't stop cringing.
You know you had good weekend wheb we you hook up with three different girls and you don't feel no pain when u pee in the morning
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
Theres a live mouse in the toilet. Goddamn you this is why I don't party here
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
Just so you know, if you are not feeling well today it's cause you drank a gatorade bottle full of highlighter fluid.
while she was riding me, she looked at me and said "this is why mom told me learning how to ride a horse would be important for my future"
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
Somewhere in this city is a lost rubber penis that needs to find its way back home
I stared at him for a solid five minutes because he looked like what I imagine god would look like if god was a lumberjack
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
well theres no bloody mary mix at the campus bookstore so i dont even know what its good for
You know you're an adult when you start planning your hookup a week in advance
I may just have to resign myself to life in flats. He's a sexy little chipmunk that worships me.
It's a weird kind of sexy when a guy has a bunkbed with his roommate
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