I thought he was joking about bailing you out until I saw the picture of you and the sheep in the morning paper. Were those my boots you had on it
How long is the appropriate time period between a pregnancy scare and breaking up with my girlfriend?
We decided to smoke and then made crosses on our foreheads for ash wednesday
mom would be proud
it appears as though my vagina has gotten the best of me again
So he told me he wanted to fertilize my caviar. Im avoiding all foreign exchange students from now on.
Apparently I spent my 300 dollar tax return by ordering ramen on amazon last night. Please tell me this will somehow pay off in the long run.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
The only alcohol in the house was a bottle of Sherry. It's like cough syrup that I shotgunned off Strawberry Shortcake's ass.
I'll just put on a bunch of mascara and cry right before I get there. Then everyone will recognize me.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
Just saw our highschool guidance counselor at the bar and he's taken six shots in the last hour. Those teenagers have fucking hardened him.
I'm having a funeral for my vibrator. Please be there. I need your dick for support.
I don't think Buddha would recommend a sexscpade across Mexico
is it bad that I see hot guys I wanna sleep with as challenges instead of actual people?
yes. but it works for you
His mom came while we were asleep naked and started asking me about my plans after high school... Is that even a thing.
Randomize
