I'm sorry I'm just not ready to become vampire yet
if you don't go to jail tommorow I'll buy you a 40. Motivation.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
We called dibs on each other's genitals. That bond is unbreakable.
You know it's been awhile when the imagery of fucking AT A DENNY'S gets me really turned on.
Why do I think he'd like to keep my hair in a box?
Apparently when the cops arrived I was standing over him in the bathroom yelling, get the fuck up you piece of shit. Beer still in hand.
Nothing. Its like my body doesn't know how to function on a Saturday when its not hungover and/or still drunk.
We're trying to make our wedding vows nice but meeting on OkCupid fucks that up entirely.
I just got a text from a guy. The python is ours if we want.
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
HOW CAN YOU EXPECT ME TO KEEP YOUR SECRETS IF YOU KEEP ON TELLING ME THEM.
Cocaine bath bombs are a really bad idea
It is NEVER not funny to me when I am sitting at a table and I've touched the dicks of every single person I'm sitting with.
Saw a sign that said the chorus of never gonna give you up was enough time to wash your hands. Coronavirus has Rick rolled me.
Randomize
