Cold hands, warm shart.
ive decided theres a fine line between accepting money for sex and letting someone buy you late night taco bell and knowing that if he hadnt you wouldnt be in his bed right now
Astroglide: It's like Bengay for your ass.
He just said he wasn't going to drink on Saturday because he was drinking on Thursday and Friday...we need new friends.
he picked an earring up off the bar floor and tried to give it to girls as a present.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
I can't figure out how to get this beer bong in my carry on without airport security questioning me as it goes through the x-ray.
I'm going to tattoo a maze on my back for the next fucker that tries to blow early ....
Let's just say trying to drink my weight in apple pie shots looked better in theory.
I opened up my wallet and it was filled with puke.
People were running around punching out the ceiling tiles Super Mario style.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Just for the record, you referenced Harry Potter while complaining about being torn between the Slytherin (lesbians) and Gryffindor (your mostly straight friends) houses (tables)
if i dont text back till morning its cause i turned my phone off and changed my password to something i wont remember to stop myself from drunk texting...RESPONSIBILITY
He said I was really mad at him on Friday. Dude I fell asleep in all my clothes and shoes, with my flashlight on, on my phone... I could have been mad at the wall. It wasn't my classiest day.
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