listening to techno makes your hand move faster while masterbating
Do you know how hard it is to conceal the fact that you puked all over the bed that someone is sleeping in?
I woke up this morning with a hospital armband on containing all the information off my fake i.d. WTF did we do last night!?!?
Definately going to wake up wondering what happened to the other half of my lip.
What's the appropriate I've been inside you but we're not technically dating valentines present?
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
I GOT JUDGED BY A GUY WORKING AT THE LEAST CLASSY STRIP CLUB. Peeing isn't a right, it's a privilege.
So you drank bourbon with cough syrup?
I still had a cough. It only makes sense
Also, feel like I need to install a nanny cam to remind myself what I did the night before.
Rebounding with her sister was the best idea i ever had.
My boss's toddler just went through my bag and found your vibrator...you owe me a drink.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
I just saw a chick driving drinking a juice box smoking all while on the phone that is talent
I have bruises everywhere an I broke the lamp. So ya I'd considerate rough sex.
Randomize
