My sheets look like a crime scene.
dude, i woke up naked in her front yard...apparently i tried to leave in the middle of the night, forgot my clothes and decided,"oh heres a nice patch of grass to sleep on" I think god is up there laughing at me.
thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
Just an FYI: The offer for you to come snow blow my driveway in return for sexual favors is still on the table
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
In anticipation of No Judgement Tuesday, I believe a Can We LOL At What We Did Last Night Saturday is in order
Let me refresh your memory. New Year's Eve in the back of my car you grabbed my hand and said feel my tumor on my butthole and at that moment I swear we were infinite
Would it be inappropriate to trade Christmas cookies for sex?
At the start of the night I was all 'come at me universe' and three hours later I was ordering an extra large pizza in bed in the dress I had gone out in. Well played universe.
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
My 12 o'clock class is an all star team of my ex's hook ups
Alls I wanted was a fun New Years but I end up fingering a geico sales representative on a futon and giving her a ride to work the next morning
I'll be the Broncos and you be the Seahawks and you can pound the shit out of me.
I am witnessing a blind guy whip ass at beer pong
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