now i know why i became what i already was.
I wont touch it. I promise i wont touch it. JUST GET UNDER THE DAMN TABLE PLEASE.
We just used hot candle wax from our joint lighting candle to make a bunch of new small ones how stoned are we
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
My 10 year old son gave me a bottle of jameson for fathers day. Did you have something to do with this?
I want something that's relevant to him banging her right after I did. Like "runner-up"
I elbow dropped a bag of ice to break it so we could make margaritas. I bled everywhere. Be proud.
come to Starbucks. I'm the fat girl eating a whole pizza sitting on the ground
Somehow those two combined like captain planet and shit went haywire
He just grabbed my boob and justified it by saying "I just wanna feel your heart beat"
So question... If I'm sexting with uncircumcised guy, do I have to add *then i gently pull your foreskin down*?
Is it bad I'm drunk at orientation
You've been there for 12 hours, what are you supposed to be doing
Not be drunk
Someone put a huge skyy vodka bottle in our washing machine. My roommate didn't see it and ran it. The washing machine split in two. #life
You kept sacrificing me last night. You would just yell out "Virgin Sacrifice!!" and then throw me into a circle of men.
I remember telling you that I think Taylor Swift has stolen my essence. I still think that's true.
Randomize
