i just witnessed two asians having sex for the first time ten feet away from me..hes having a seizure..what the duck is going on???
Nothing says fuck you quite like putting your used condom in someones mailbox for them to find in the morning.
Maid of honor is brides sister and single. Likes lemondrops. You're welcome.
mallory made a planned parenthood decision maker flow chart again.
They won't let us do straight shots of 151 since that guy lit his face on fire.
I would feel bad that's he's locked out naked, but the world should really see that.
Idk who invented dominoes cheese steak pizza but I wanna lick their balls
so i ran into nick. i may be more gay than anticipated
I guess I'll just chalk it up as a learning experience and a lot of great sex.
Literally the only clue I have to try and figure out my blackout adventures is a draft on twitter that just says "Mummies alive!"
We need to get fucked up again and play games like "save the tequila but dodge the knife"
I’ve lost count of how many disciplines of science this conversation about Harry Potter has gone through.
Don't drag this out. All I need to know is if I have to put pants on or not.
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
its official, you're fucking me on my lunch break. the only thing I want in my mouth is your dick. pick me up at noon.
want fries with that?
Randomize
