I puked in the AC vent. thing are gonna get ugly come summertime.
Dwarf fight at five guys. Today was a good day.
It's never too late to be topless.
Do you ever feel like a plastic bag?!
My landlord showed my apartment to a prospective tenant today and I had my vibrator and gun both chilling on my nightstand
Though my hair looks fantastic i will unfortunately have to turn down your 4am sex offer
We have bigger issues at hand... Does anybody know someone in the kalamazoo area that is missing a pair of stilts ?
She curled up in the corner, screamed "THE BLANKET IS SO WARM" and promptly passed out with her face in the dogbed. No one bothered to reposition her.
The guy I brought home last night made a speedy escape while I was in the bathroom. The only trace I found of his flight was a lone sock on the stairs.... It was like a whorey low budget Cinderella
I slept with one of the directors so you would get a good price on the ballroom for your reception. I'm the best MOH. You owe me bitch
This is my college life. Rolling at 4PM on a Wednesday to skrillex in the parking lot of a mexican restaurant.
I think you just described to us the most perfect drunken fairy tale that has somehow never been written
I swear to God if you fuck my cousin I will fuck your dad.
Can we just agree for a moment that semen in your sinuses is the fucking worst?
At least you didn't lose your virginity to chumbawumba
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