I feel like if im whacking off more now that i have a gf than i did when i was single, somethings wrong.
You know you have a problem when you walk into your bathroom find kettle one in your shower and a note you wrote yourself when drunk that says "panties at jared leto's" on your counter
Why do i always get involved with 3 women at once?
Because life brings drama and thus like moths to a flame, women
He'd bedazzaled his ass. Im not even that gay...
Babe, I need to be clear. I DO NOT WANT TO HAVE ANAL. Never. No anal. No "talking about it"
I forgot how wholesome of a place a park is when youre not drinking there.
Put it this way, at one point I was getting stoned on the roof of the strip club with one of the strippers while another one gave me a free lap dance. That wasn't even the best part of the night.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
can't believe I traded a good night's sleep and a midterm for your blurry tits
My jeans are ripped and her glitter was all over me.. My walk of shame looked like I fucked a unicorn last night
I don't think I will ever be as happy about anything as this man next to me on the bus eating Taco Bell.
I don't WANT a sex disease! Especially one assigned to me by my supervisor..
I saw a picture of a baby and it reminded me to take my birth control. Priorities
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
ok first of all what the fuck
Randomize
