My cha cha got a haircut
thank god. going down on you was like chewing on astroturf
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
I came over to his house for a party and realized I was quoted on the fridge... "How'd I get rug burn on my face?" And yes, my name was right next to it!
Last I saw him was around 10 this morning. He was passed out on the porch with his head under the barbeque cover and there were cups of orange juice around him as well as loose tobacco spread everywhere. Good luck getting a hold of him.
I will forever be haunted by the image of you hurrying to finish your Jimmy Johns sandwich in the Taco Bell drive thru so you could proceed to order $17 dollars worth of shitty Mexican food.
Well I can't message him and be like "hey I was behind you in CVS a month ago and I remembered your last name and DOB and looked you up on fb and added you so wanna hang out"
What does that mean when you have a child masturbating in your dream? Is that weird?
I spent the money she owed me on enough magnum condoms to make a blimp. Damn right I'm going to make the best of it.
Uhh dog found a condom. FYI its on the table by couch please dispose of it. No reply Necessary
We don't have paper towels so I microwaved a spinach/egg sandwich thingy wrapped in toilet paper. Toilet paper. so that's how my day started.
And that is why I love you so much. You have the same cold black heart as me.
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
You've reached your one pic per night limit. To increase your limit, start conversations before 9 and submit your request for an additional pic before 10.
I’m doing some soul searching to figure out how much of a slut I’m going to be the rest of the summer.
I'm just happy stripping was the reason you fractured your hand
Randomize
