how can u be prego again
Standing here next to my mom talking to my friend trying to act like he doesn't sell me E every weekend.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
someone was throwing condoms at us.
no, they just magically show up around you.
i was way too optimistic last night... got back to my apartment and the porch light was still on, like i'd actually make it all the way home.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
You were Q-tipping mashed potatoes out of your ear.
sex in a tree stand. check.
you lucky bastard
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
I told him about the time I blacked out and shit myself and he still wanted to have sex with me that night. Feeling pretty optimistic about where this fling is going.
My one night stand said I love you, opened my fridge, stole my cream cheese and left.
You put THAT much Jager in me and expect me to realize when things are a bad idea?
Dude like i feel like i did ALL OF THE DRUGS yesterday
You threw away your W2 to make more room in your purse for liquor.
Stranded. In bathroom stall. No toilet paper. I repeat NO TOILET PAPER! Assistance needed asap. GO! GO! GO!
Randomize
