Denial is the first step to alcoholism…and I don't hate it
you have to be so drunk to ignore a taser
My hand is eating my burrito and not saving any for my mouth. TRIPPPPPPPPPPPPPPINN!
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
Also on a more serious note, what says pull my hair more: straight or soft curls?
I miss eating meals at a table and having unprotected sex..
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
I was passed out in a bathroom stall. Of course im going to look like shit
I am not a slut. I'm just very open with how much I love to have sex. Stop judging.
gay sex achievement: unlocked
what
you told me you were going out for groceries!!
I told my fuck buddy that I wanted one of his arms to take home with me to hold onto in bed and he was hurt that I didn't want to bring him, like as a person, home to my family. I feel like you and only you could appreciate this.
We took a walk on the beach after the bar, he held my hand and kissed me. And then I peed under a lifeguard stand. It was so romantic.
The magician guy on probation is here at the bar. I'm gonna get him to show me a trick
You have not lived until you've slid down a waterfall fucked out of your mind. Fact.
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