yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
The only reason why I invited him to my party was because he is suicidal.
On my arm I have 12 dashes, and below is written "plus 2 pretty stout whiskey drinks, so, you be the judge"
There was a picture of him proposing on the night stand and their dog watched, but I can't help myself, his dick is just so perfect.
yeah, we figured out that passing a joint between cars was a pretty bad idea
for the record, graham crackers won't get the taste of cock out of your mouth. also we're out of graham crackers
If it was designed to hold water, it was designer to hold wine
Mega depressed bro. Had the greatest sex with the hottest girl I've ever seen and in the AM she gave me that look I've given dozens of times. I'm her drunken fat chick fuck
I will refer to it as the penis of glory... he fucked me for 3 and a half hours - and all he needed was a 5 minute power nap in the middle (which he took WHILE INSIDE ME). I plan on staying with him forever
But yesterday I literally met half his family buzzed wearing a cheeta print bathing suit super short shorts and a tiny tank top.. I was like awesome
I wish to strangle
whoa there darth vader
I just wrote the Drag Queen from Saturday Night on FB and apologized for licking her. Weirdest thing I have ever typed...
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
I just matched the dude who's car I rear ended 2 years ago on tinder. I don't think he remembers.
None of what you just said was coherent
I just bought wine at a gas station what the hell do you expect
Randomize
