I like you better when you drink
I like you better when I drink too
in retrospect, sexting while high was a mistake - I meant to say "I'll fuck you stupid, baby" but of course I said "I'll fuck your stupid baby"
i just defriended some girl because according to her status she "doesn't give a fuck about shark week."
9 am. shotgunning while conditioning my hair. i love college football season.
i'm using my hot pot to make jello shots in a muffin tin. i'm never ever graduating.
Just did lines off your face, congrats on getting in the magazine bro
You face planted into a car door. And somehow didn't drop your burrito.
I woke up in the closet and then I found my shirt in a bag of Doritos... how does that work out?
In case you wake up wondering why your eyes hurt... You were claiming to be Zeus and that mortal weapons couldn't harm you. Some chick took it as a challenge and pepper sprayed you. Sorry dude.
She sprained her ankle last night trying to flash me.
I'm drunk in a place called Lick-A-Chick. PS. It's not a lesbian hot spot, they sell chicken.
For sure. I'm slow cooking a 6 pound pork shoulder wrapped in bacon. If that doesn't scream "guys I'm going into culinary arts lets get drunk" I'm not sure what does.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
i found you passed out on the floor with a half-eaten pie. i figured youd be the last person to care if i went and banged your sister
Not gonna make it. His stripper neighbors are playing a Super Bowl drinking game that involves removing my clothes
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